My first day away from the country…
Often I’ve asked myself if a man is driven by his destiny or if he creates his own destiny. In the more emotional and religious moods, I’ve gone by the former and in the more rhetoric times, I’ve gone with the latter.
The events in the last week again raised this question in my mind. This time, the answer seems clear.
I had great plans for this weekend- a rafting trip in Rishikesh, a visit to Siliserh in Rajasthan and was all set to travel to Hissar in Haryana next week.
I’m writing this sitting in a room in Dubai. I landed last night. The trip was not too very exciting. After the busy last 4 days trying to vacate my room, I was tired- and my body acting in mechanic motions. My mind has been rather blank and it has been as if I’m playing somebody else’s character in a play. Also, to anyone who is flying into Dubai, I strongly strongly recommend that you avoid Indian Airlines. Pathetic is an understatement.
Most of the significant happenings in my life- the good, bad and ugly , have happened without my asking for it. After a heartbreak, I was sitting with a mentor cum good friend and he quoted Ghalib and said, “Ishq par zor nahi, hai ye wo aatish Ghalib… jo jalaaye na jale, jo bujhaaye na bujhe”. I remember him also mentioning that that this is true not just of ishq, but of life in general. The more I think about it, the more I agree… and the more I think.
Since morning, the song, “ye jo des hai tera” has been playing in my mind and I know that I’m obviously not here to settle down; I am here only for a few months- and am not indulging in brain drain that I have been critical of through these 25 years. Nevertheless it is a strange feeling. I don’t know if my friends and readers will agree with me or understand me as I write this. But, “strange” is exactly how I feel.
I was just beginning to get used to Gurgaon. I was beginning to get used to the thought of having my dinner in a new outlet in a different mall every night. I was now getting used to sitting on the terrace every night, sipping a hot cuppa milk… looking into the night sky… singing a few songs… listening to some… chatting on the phone…
Gurgaon aint as bad a place to stay as I’ve been portraying to some of you. It has its spots which are worth living.
I’m more contemplative than usual today- the excitement of an overseas project indulging n a game of see-saw with the emotion of leaving India- more specifically, my beloved Delhi/ NCR.
In the days to come, I may write more of these musings from the Gulf. When I landed in dubai, I remembered the title music in a 70’s Sukumaran movie- it shows him landing in Dubai. It has amazing Arabic beats in the background.
This blog is dedicated to a friend I was having conversation with- till a few seconds before I boarded the aircraft. She once again told me, as she had in the past, that jo ek baar gaya videsh, wo fir waapas aane ka naam nahi leta.
This is also dedicated to the guy standing next to me in the loo at the Dubai airport, who asked me something, after which I lost all the anxiety of landing in a foreign land.
He asked, “saare, samayam ethra aayi?”
Cheers to the gElf Malayalee!!!
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