Presenting two arbit lines of thought of mine here- these may be inter connected or discrete- I would not know.
Often I wonder, what is it that makes me value somebody or something so much today and makes that very person/ thing irrelevant over a period of time. I ask myself if this is ungratefulness or mere mood instability.
Somebody very close says that the value one attaches to things and people that one values changes over a period of time. I agree.
Yet another very close somebody says that all that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
Let us explore this further. That Tobu cycle that I used as a kid remains invaluable to me; those clothes I may have used then seem useless. My scooter… a black beauty- a Chetak 4 stroke… was the most precious thing to me, until I bought my car. And then, the black beauty ceased to be as important. I shed many a tears while leaving Thiruvananthapuram; now, I’m not sure if I can ever stay there for over 10 days at a stretch. Some of my very good friends, while I was a kid and then a teenager, are no more than acquaintances now.
These thoughts have been in mind for some days now.
I also realize that I hate any kind of change while the change is yet to happen and expected to materialize.
I also wonder why is it that we so very much are resistant to change. Or anything that is uncertain. A very close somebody tells me, “for once at least, can you trust God?”. What this person leaves unsaid is why is it that we need to be in control all the time. “Why do you want everything to go according to your plan all the time?”…LoL
This thing of not knowing what’s in store for me gets me worried- as a child, before getting the report card; as a teenager, having to decide the career of choice; as a young adult, making a decision on sticking to the same career and shifting to another; as an adult on what I need to do my job or what if my relationship with this girl doesn’t work out;
Agar mere 90% nahi aaye toh main kya karoon; Agar main pass nahi hua toh main kya karoon; Agar is entrance ko maine clear nahi kia toh main kya karoon; Agar is company mein mera placement nahi hua toh main kya karoon; Agar is baar mera promotion nahi hota toh main kya karoon…and the list is endless.
Unhappiness remains, causes differ- says the same very close somebody.
Each time the “agar” came true- there was a jhatka- but life never stopped. There was always a direction and a way that I would earlier not have seen or chosen not to see.
And when I look at that, I am tempted to say yes to that question- for once at least, can you trust God?
Those of you who “know” me “know” why I am writing these two seemingly discrete views in a single blog.
Well well well… I’m leaving it to God this time.
In good faith I do!!!
